whose answer does she want? sarah palin's or mine?

bedtime questions as reported by D:

"how was the first day of the world? i mean, like, the first day of the planet? how was it made? but, how did they make the sky? it's so big. maybe they have really long ladders."

dinner:delicious

clockwise: grape-brie, apple-cinnamon-brie, pesto-tomato-feta, hen of the woods-tomato-gran queso

today's sources of pride

it's three things that made me happy today, starting with tonight's dinner.

i made this delicious and inventive creamy barley salad from real simple, plus 2 fall squash. i halved an acorn and a delicata, filled them with onion and garlic slices, salt and olive oil, then steamed/roasted them in our tangine. delicious.

and cooking in our kitchen will make me happy for the next few months, now that i have this to look at on the front lawn.

and finally, i have my little boy, who is growing all sorts of opinions and attitudes. it's lucky though that what he really wants to do is drag me around the playground and play fire truck. who wouldn't enjoy that? i'm so glad i brought my camera today.

2 cooking successes

fall mushrooming is in full swing around here. this is the time where the greatest amount of wild mushrooms can be found. we have found many kinds through the years, but our family's favorite is by far the hen of the woods. this is just the best tasting mushroom, it grows in the same spots every year and grows so big that you feel tired carrying it! now that mushroom season is here we have been busy "checking our spots." over the weekend we found a few beauties and decided to whip up some mushroom barley soup.

we sauteed up the mushrooms, chopped roughly, with an onion, a few cloves of garlic, a couple of carrots, a few stalks of celery and some sage and thyme.

once it was all nice and soft i added a box of broth and a cup or so of barley. after it simmered for a bit, we let it hang out for a while.

i have to say that this was a fantastic way to use the hen and earned our family's gold medal of being deemed "restaurant quality". up next hen of the woods pate!

and then sunday night i made vegan dad's fake lunch meat recipe. i had been meaning to make this for weeks. we go through a ton of fake meat here and it has been bothering me a bit lately. it is not only processed, but also expensive. i love what vegan dad is doing with all of his fake meat recipes, he's my hero. 

the recipe was a huge success. here is the loaf before being cooked.
and here it is after it was cooked and cooled and about to be sampled.
this fake meat is awesome, if a bit plain. i know that i could doctor it up more next time. what matters most is that it made like 2 pounds and it is now officially gone after only 2 days. bee even asked for it for a snack today, and ate it all up! now if i could just find someone outside of my house who cares about making your own fake meat!

on nursing

somehow in the last few weeks henny has drastically cut back on his nursing. it has really surprised me and left me feeling occasionally sad. my experience as a nursing mom has been full of so many emotions and good memories that it is really overwhelming to see the end of my nursing days closer than i thought.

when i had bee i was more nervous about nursing than even labor and birth. the idea just made me squeamish. i think it had a lot to do with feeling this societal ideal of breasts-for-sex and that didn't mesh at all with thinking of someone sucking on my boob day and night. i knew i wanted to nurse and that it was best. i took the class, bought the books, but still was nervous. i told myself that i would try for 3 or maybe 6 months. in the end we made it to 15 months, very happily and healthfully. 

once everything clicked and bee and i were deep in a strong nursing relationship, it was amazing. she was a furious nurser. 45 minute sessions, nursing for comfort and wanting to eat 20 minutes after finishing a meal, it was all part of my life. i identified strongly as a nursing mother and really considered it part of my identity at the time. i would bravely nurse in situations where i knew it would raise eyebrows, partly out of necessity and partly as a "fuck you" to anyone who would dare care. 

bee never had a drop of formula.  while i would never judge someone for feeding their baby formula, i was so internally proud that my body could provide all my baby needed. the whole process was so natural and so powerful for me. 

when bee turned one we started giving her some cow's milk. she took to it ok, but also started to expand her diet. she was eating more and more during the day and around 13 or 14 months i started to think about weaning. i knew that we wanted to try to have another baby at some point and i thought it would feel good to have a bit of time to have my body to myself. i started by cutting out a few seemingly unnecessary feedings, like the 30 seconds after a nap. soon i cut out before nap and before i knew it bee was only nursing a few times a day. she really didn't seem to notice and was asking for snacks more than booby milk. it just felt right. so, at 15 months D took her out to the dining room for breakfast instead of to me for milk and that was that.

now that henny is almost that age i cannot believe that i stopped nursing then. henny seems so young and knowing that he will be my last baby, i just want to keep him a baby. but the fact is that henny has never really been a boob man. even as a newborn he nursed wonderfully but not with the same passion that bee had. he would nurse for 5 minutes or so, just long enough to fill his belly, and then move on. he didn't linger at the boob like bee did and he never nursed for comfort. from a very early age henny sucked his middle fingers for comfort. that combined with his chill attitude and he really didn't ever need any extra forms of comfort. 

after henny's tiny baby days were past, he settled into a strong schedule of nursing. morning, before nap, after nap, before 2nd nap, after 2nd nap and night, that was it. there were of course extras here and there but he usually didn't seem to want or need more. he never asked for milk even though he knew where it was and would pull at my shirt when i would ask, "where's you're milk?"

so a few weeks ago i tried to nurse henny before a nap and he refused. i thought he was just really tired so i laid him down. but it happened again and again. he pretty much refused to nurse during the day. at some point i stopped trying. 

and so now henny nurses when he wakes up and at night. that's it. i nursed him at the y the other day when he was particularly fussy but that was really rare with our new schedule.

i feel so different about weaning this time around. maybe it's because it doesn't seem to be on my terms. i always half-thought that when people said that their kids "weaned themselves" that they were stretching the truth. but now i see that it is possible. sad but true. i feel like i want to hang on to these last weeks or maybe months of nursing. i know that the end will come but i'm not ready yet. i still want henny to need me in a way that nobody else can provide, especially now that he doesn't seem to need it so much. nursing will always be a hugely special time for me and some truly deep and strong memories. i'm just not ready for it to be a memory, at least not just yet.

2 small firsts

within minutes and in close proximity to my camera, henny did two things for the first time.

first, he played with play dough. much giggling ensued. it was one of those moments as a stay-at-home-mom where i feel like the effort really pays off. taking that dough off the stove and seeing the kids light up as they dig into it... priceless.

as after henny got tired of sitting in his seat he started doing his newly perfected pointing routine to tell me when he wanted next. i deduced that he wanted to stand with bee in her tower. so, although he has been in the tower briefly, this is the first time with bee and really just an excuse to post a cute picture.
and how about the hair on this kid! it's pretty much time for another haircut. it's not quite as bad as it was a while ago, but it's pretty much covering his eyes again. still cute, though!

new bag

real quick while D feeds the cats, and with a crappy photobooth shot...

my new bag!

2 hours this morning and BAM, new bag!

i used some fabric from that church lady sale and this tutorial, which is awesome.

ok, off to bed....

zzzzz.

obsessing over...

tina fey for president!

catch up

after bee's birthday i decided to "trim the fat" for the remainder of the week. in doing so i managed to read a few magazine articles, exercise and in turn did things like update this site less. what follows is a basic outline of the highlights of these post-birthday days.

this week i amazed myself and my family by making my own vegan fake meat sausages. (no picture!) and they were the bomb. i used this recipe, with a few substitutions. i didn't have all the spices on hand that he uses, so i just used a bunch of what i had from the farm (rosemary, oregano, thyme & sage). it was a bit crumbly, but after being fried in a little oil they were nice and firm and crispy. up next: fake sandwich meat. 

also this week i had THE WORST experience at the registry of motor vehicles that one can have, i'm certain. my experience included: a trip first to the insurance company, a partially skinned knee in the parking lot, long wait at the rmv, a four year old who forgot what "no running around" means for every minute of said long wait, the realization that they rmv doesn't take credit cards followed by the realization that my checkbook was devoid of checks, a sprint down a VERY busy street with no sidewalk to an atm, sprint back to the rmv (5 minutes before closing!) only to realize as i dig through my bag that somewhere along my sprint route i dropped the VERY IMPORTANT paper from the insurance company.

BLAH. i'm sweating now just from writing that. needless to say we ended up eating cookies all the way home.

thursday was brighter and saw the ups truck delivering me this goodness....

it's mostly sweet bento stuff from this very cool store. there are all kinds of soy sauce bottles and cute molds for rice or hard boiled eggs. i can't wait to blow bee's mind with those! there is also a few bento boxes and that flowery thing on the left is the cutest shopping bag. all this stuff set me back like $12. and look what it says on the top of one of the boxes. so great....
happy fruits is very delicious. i will eat this and will become fortunate all together!

in other retail news. i scored all this for $5 at a sweet church crafter sale. now i need to get craftin'!!
finally, i feel like the weekend has helped me breathe a sign of relief not only because we aren't planning or executing a party but because we have done some great family things, with just us. the highlight was tonight, when we went to a hot air balloon festival!

we are major hot air balloon enthusiasts here. we see them all summer and fall flying through our backyard and have had the chance to go to a few hot air balloon fests. this one was the most laid back and really so fun. the best part was that they had an old hot air balloon set up for everyone to go in and walk around. the kids went crazy, running all around, it was such amazing fun. what a good looking family, don't you think?

happy birthday bee, or the day that almost killed me

today was bee's fourth birthday.

it was also her first day at a new school.

i'll begin with the obligatory first-day-of-school picture and also note that the day went fantastically. no crying, lots of sharing of fun activities and experiences and the promise that they "will do much more fun stuff tomorrow."

bee went to school two mornings a week last year, so we are not new at this. but somehow i don't think it will ever get easy. especially when we are so blessed to be able to spend a long three summer months together doing whatever the hell we please. walking out of the classroom i felt like i had forgotten something. so empty. i know it will get better and i will relish the school time because i will be free to do more and be appreciative of the time we have together. but for now, i'm adjusting.

however, i didn't have too long to dwell on the new-school feelings because i had a birthday to make special! i had a cake to decorate! a house to clean! a salad to make! last minutes errands to do!

right now i feel grouchy about the whole birthday. it was great, but i am exhausted. it has been a long stretch of birthday planning and execution for us. it has all gone great but it's enough by now. that's how i'm feeling. i think part of it is also that my heart just can't take it all. dropping my little girl off at school after this long glorious summer, knowing that this is it, it's over? quietly meditating on where i was four years ago, bringing this sweet girl into the world? trying to make this a special day and watching the joy in bee's eyes at what we created for her? it's all too much!

putting my bad attitude aside, i have to say that i am so happy to have a four year old. i feel like bee seemed older to me today. when she woke up she didn't yell for me like she has for 4 years, she just got up and browsed some books. imagine that! and as we strolled down the street this afternoon with our respective babies in our strollers, she chatted with me on and on like a little person. she has so much to say and i want to hear it all. she could tell me about how her toenail polish is chipping off and i'd be rapt. her imagination is deep and i love when i can dive in and try to see what she sees. 

i look at bee's almost 7 year old cousin and i know that this time is fleeting. soon she will be checking out what the other girls are wearing and worrying about homework. i love this time with all my heart. i know four is going to be great. 

happy birthday bee!

fairy ball

this past friday we hosted our first official fairy ball, in honor of bee's 4th birthday. the fairies converged on friday evening and spent 2 hours frolicking, eating, creating and playing.
we started planning about a month ago. i've mentioned before that bee has this idea about what fairies are. it's sort of a cross between a fairy, a ballerina and a princess. that is good because it gave me plenty to work with.

the first thing we did was to create these cute flowers with toilet paper tubes. i used these instructions. bee did most of the work and it was really pretty fun. these served as the centerpieces.

we set up three craft activities around the party. 

first, crown making. it was super simple. i bought some classroom bulletin board borders and cut them to crown size. i punched holes on each end tied a ribbon on to fasten the crown on. then we just gathered up a bunch of stuff to glue on to decorate.
second, we had wand making. this was my favorite and the kid's favorite too. 

we were going to use sticks, which would have been fine but D thought of using these dogwood shoots that we had to trim off our dogwood tree anyway. they were just the right width and nice and sturdy.

we attached about 10 inches of craft wire to the ends and just put a pan of beads on the blanket. the kids strung the beads on and then the parents secured the open end to be in the shape of a circle (or heart or butterfly or star). you can see some in action in the first picture of the post.

the third activity was about as simple as it gets. a basket full of fairy house supplies. this was the least popular at the party but i think that just had to do with the high energy of our fairies. 
we set up a tent as a sort of fairy ballroom. the kids all ate under the tent, surrounded by christmas lights, flowers and tulle.
i made these flowers following these instructions. it was so easy and so satisfying.
bee designed the menu for the fairies. fairy eggs and fairy pancakes. if you don't know, that is eggs and pancakes with sprinkles on top. i'll let you in on a little secret....if you want to make fairy food, put sprinkles on otherwise ordinary food. this is also a good way to get your kid to eat stuff you want them to eat.

bee made little gift bags for her buddies. the main thing in them was these super cool treasure balls.

we made a batch of salt clay. then bee hid these fancy rocks inside a ball of clay. we then rolled the balls in glitter and baked the balls for about an hour or so.
bee bagged them up and we put a sticker on them with instructions. the idea is to smash them open to find your treasure. we tried one and they work awesome. 
for dessert we had cupcakes, or cup-a-cakes as bee still calls them. i used my favorite recipe, amy sedaris'. this makes me feel cooler every time i use it. it's a good, simple recipe.

we topped them with these jelly candies from trader joe's so they would be more fun.
it was so worth all the effort for this party. it was just right for bee and i know she loved every minute of it. this is one part of parenting that makes me feel so happy to be a mom. 

stepping through the muck

for the past week and a half or so i have felt so stuck. there is so much to do and i just don't even know where to begin. usually i have plans devised in my head. during the duller times of my day, walking with the kids or driving somewhere, i'll be busy planning in my head. then when the time comes to get down to business, off i go. last week i found myself wandering around the kitchen when it was time to make dinner. back and forth from the cabinet to the fridge, doing nothing. i couldn't even figure out what to do first. 

i think it might be a bit of  burn out. henny is now so wildly on the move that i can't leave him for a minute. he is climbing and falling all. day. long. we are also in the middle of the birthday season. right in between henny's birthday extravaganza and bee's upcoming celebration. i know maybe i'm going too all out, but i just can't help it. things seem to also be moving real fast here. as soon as i clean something up, oops there goes a peach smashing on the floor!

i'm hoping that after this past restful, long weekend i can get my head straight. i want to enjoy this time while i also do all these things that are important to me. last night i broke through and made bee's birthday crown. it felt good to do something, start to finish, all in one night. it also felt good to just make something.

more birthday things to come later in the week, including a full fairy ball round-up.

*btw, through all my haze i still found plenty of time to google all different things about sarah palin. i am obsessed, it's official!*