whose answer does she want? sarah palin's or mine?

bedtime questions as reported by D:

"how was the first day of the world? i mean, like, the first day of the planet? how was it made? but, how did they make the sky? it's so big. maybe they have really long ladders."

dinner:delicious

clockwise: grape-brie, apple-cinnamon-brie, pesto-tomato-feta, hen of the woods-tomato-gran queso

today's sources of pride

it's three things that made me happy today, starting with tonight's dinner.

i made this delicious and inventive creamy barley salad from real simple, plus 2 fall squash. i halved an acorn and a delicata, filled them with onion and garlic slices, salt and olive oil, then steamed/roasted them in our tangine. delicious.

and cooking in our kitchen will make me happy for the next few months, now that i have this to look at on the front lawn.

and finally, i have my little boy, who is growing all sorts of opinions and attitudes. it's lucky though that what he really wants to do is drag me around the playground and play fire truck. who wouldn't enjoy that? i'm so glad i brought my camera today.

2 cooking successes

fall mushrooming is in full swing around here. this is the time where the greatest amount of wild mushrooms can be found. we have found many kinds through the years, but our family's favorite is by far the hen of the woods. this is just the best tasting mushroom, it grows in the same spots every year and grows so big that you feel tired carrying it! now that mushroom season is here we have been busy "checking our spots." over the weekend we found a few beauties and decided to whip up some mushroom barley soup.

we sauteed up the mushrooms, chopped roughly, with an onion, a few cloves of garlic, a couple of carrots, a few stalks of celery and some sage and thyme.

once it was all nice and soft i added a box of broth and a cup or so of barley. after it simmered for a bit, we let it hang out for a while.

i have to say that this was a fantastic way to use the hen and earned our family's gold medal of being deemed "restaurant quality". up next hen of the woods pate!

and then sunday night i made vegan dad's fake lunch meat recipe. i had been meaning to make this for weeks. we go through a ton of fake meat here and it has been bothering me a bit lately. it is not only processed, but also expensive. i love what vegan dad is doing with all of his fake meat recipes, he's my hero. 

the recipe was a huge success. here is the loaf before being cooked.
and here it is after it was cooked and cooled and about to be sampled.
this fake meat is awesome, if a bit plain. i know that i could doctor it up more next time. what matters most is that it made like 2 pounds and it is now officially gone after only 2 days. bee even asked for it for a snack today, and ate it all up! now if i could just find someone outside of my house who cares about making your own fake meat!

on nursing

somehow in the last few weeks henny has drastically cut back on his nursing. it has really surprised me and left me feeling occasionally sad. my experience as a nursing mom has been full of so many emotions and good memories that it is really overwhelming to see the end of my nursing days closer than i thought.

when i had bee i was more nervous about nursing than even labor and birth. the idea just made me squeamish. i think it had a lot to do with feeling this societal ideal of breasts-for-sex and that didn't mesh at all with thinking of someone sucking on my boob day and night. i knew i wanted to nurse and that it was best. i took the class, bought the books, but still was nervous. i told myself that i would try for 3 or maybe 6 months. in the end we made it to 15 months, very happily and healthfully. 

once everything clicked and bee and i were deep in a strong nursing relationship, it was amazing. she was a furious nurser. 45 minute sessions, nursing for comfort and wanting to eat 20 minutes after finishing a meal, it was all part of my life. i identified strongly as a nursing mother and really considered it part of my identity at the time. i would bravely nurse in situations where i knew it would raise eyebrows, partly out of necessity and partly as a "fuck you" to anyone who would dare care. 

bee never had a drop of formula.  while i would never judge someone for feeding their baby formula, i was so internally proud that my body could provide all my baby needed. the whole process was so natural and so powerful for me. 

when bee turned one we started giving her some cow's milk. she took to it ok, but also started to expand her diet. she was eating more and more during the day and around 13 or 14 months i started to think about weaning. i knew that we wanted to try to have another baby at some point and i thought it would feel good to have a bit of time to have my body to myself. i started by cutting out a few seemingly unnecessary feedings, like the 30 seconds after a nap. soon i cut out before nap and before i knew it bee was only nursing a few times a day. she really didn't seem to notice and was asking for snacks more than booby milk. it just felt right. so, at 15 months D took her out to the dining room for breakfast instead of to me for milk and that was that.

now that henny is almost that age i cannot believe that i stopped nursing then. henny seems so young and knowing that he will be my last baby, i just want to keep him a baby. but the fact is that henny has never really been a boob man. even as a newborn he nursed wonderfully but not with the same passion that bee had. he would nurse for 5 minutes or so, just long enough to fill his belly, and then move on. he didn't linger at the boob like bee did and he never nursed for comfort. from a very early age henny sucked his middle fingers for comfort. that combined with his chill attitude and he really didn't ever need any extra forms of comfort. 

after henny's tiny baby days were past, he settled into a strong schedule of nursing. morning, before nap, after nap, before 2nd nap, after 2nd nap and night, that was it. there were of course extras here and there but he usually didn't seem to want or need more. he never asked for milk even though he knew where it was and would pull at my shirt when i would ask, "where's you're milk?"

so a few weeks ago i tried to nurse henny before a nap and he refused. i thought he was just really tired so i laid him down. but it happened again and again. he pretty much refused to nurse during the day. at some point i stopped trying. 

and so now henny nurses when he wakes up and at night. that's it. i nursed him at the y the other day when he was particularly fussy but that was really rare with our new schedule.

i feel so different about weaning this time around. maybe it's because it doesn't seem to be on my terms. i always half-thought that when people said that their kids "weaned themselves" that they were stretching the truth. but now i see that it is possible. sad but true. i feel like i want to hang on to these last weeks or maybe months of nursing. i know that the end will come but i'm not ready yet. i still want henny to need me in a way that nobody else can provide, especially now that he doesn't seem to need it so much. nursing will always be a hugely special time for me and some truly deep and strong memories. i'm just not ready for it to be a memory, at least not just yet.

2 small firsts

within minutes and in close proximity to my camera, henny did two things for the first time.

first, he played with play dough. much giggling ensued. it was one of those moments as a stay-at-home-mom where i feel like the effort really pays off. taking that dough off the stove and seeing the kids light up as they dig into it... priceless.

as after henny got tired of sitting in his seat he started doing his newly perfected pointing routine to tell me when he wanted next. i deduced that he wanted to stand with bee in her tower. so, although he has been in the tower briefly, this is the first time with bee and really just an excuse to post a cute picture.
and how about the hair on this kid! it's pretty much time for another haircut. it's not quite as bad as it was a while ago, but it's pretty much covering his eyes again. still cute, though!

new bag

real quick while D feeds the cats, and with a crappy photobooth shot...

my new bag!

2 hours this morning and BAM, new bag!

i used some fabric from that church lady sale and this tutorial, which is awesome.

ok, off to bed....

zzzzz.